Voldo is LONELY
by PrinceOrange
Summary: Guaranteed to make you laugh, giggle, or be super amused! Voldo is lonely, so he's trying to find his soul mate! Characters may act out of character, and gay love is predicted! Hilarious, nonetheless! R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

**Voldo is LONELY**: Chapter 1

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Disclaimer: SC characters do not belong to me!

WARNING: May contain some shounen-ai themes (if that happens. Dunno.) And reading this might tone your brain down a notch.

One more note: Nightmare and Siegfried are two different people here.

-----

Voldo groaned as he watched Seung-Mina and Yunsung enjoying eachothers' company merrily. All he had next to him were the other misfits, Astaroth, Charade, Lizardman, Necrid, and Nightmare. Oh wait, never mind. Astaroth and Necrid were going out with eachother, so they left the bench of losers and freaks.

Lizardman got tired of sitting on the bench, so he and Charade went out for a smoothie. So it was just Voldo and Nightmare.

Voldo turned to look at Nightmare and mumbled through his mask, "Hi." Nightmare shifted away from his spot as he mumbled, "Loser." A solitary tear trickled down Voldo's face. (You can't tell because he's wearing a mask.)

He thought to himself deeply, "Ohh... Voldo is lonely! Voldo is gross to people. Stinky Raphael called me creepy. Oh how Voldo longs to be pretty like Xianghua Chinese foreign girl. Oh how Voldo longs to be big German hunk like Siegfried..."

Nightmare shifted uncomfortably from his seat before standing up from his spot as he murmured in his low dark voice, "I belong to sit with the COOL guys..." And left Voldo to his lonesome.

"Voldo wants someone with him. It no matter if they are girl or boy or both or none," he thought sadly, "Voldo wants a lover."

So he finally stood up from the bench and slithered to the training park where all the hot guys and girls were at. He somehow defied gravity by slithering up a tree. Voldo then watched his fellow fighters train for their next match.

"Mmm... Voldo likes Kilik," he thought as he watched him stretch. He then mumbled incoherently to Kilik.

"Oh, hey Voldo," he said as he smirked to the human elastic. Kilik twirled his staff around and then asked him, "Do you want me to show you some of the cool moves I learned?"

"Mm... rmmrmm..." mumbled Voldo as he blushed madly. But it wasn't visible.

"I'll take that as a yes," laughed the man. He began twirling his staff, smashing it to the floor, and then...

It hit Voldo by accident!!! Voldo dropped like a dead bird from the tree as he moaned in pain.

"Oh damn! Voldo, you alright?" asked Kilik.

"Mrr..."

"We gotta get you to a hospital!"

"Mrr..."

"Damn, I must have done something like 116 damage!"

"MRRRRR!!!"

"Oh, you're still alive?"

"Mr."

"Okay."

And Kilik left Voldo alone. He flexed himself backwards as he rolled onto his back, groaning. "Voldo no like stick boy..." he thought. "Too clumsy."

He then crawled and tumbled to where Siegfried ate his chocolates. Voldo had always admired this man. He had always raked in a lot of fangirls.

Siegfried turned his head to Voldo, his mouth covered in chocolate. He sprang from his seat in surprise at Voldo who eyed him and his chocolate. The German hunk laughed heartily as he told him, "Okay, I'm supposed to be training, but you can't tell anyone about this."

"Mrmmmrmm..." Which translated to, "Can I have some chocolate?"

Amazingly Siegfried understood his mumbling. He laughed again and then told the undead man, "No."

"Mmmrmmm!"

"Voldo, if you keep asking, I'm going to kill you."

"..."

Voldo slithered away, grumbling curses as he thought, "Greedy German chocoholic! No good for Voldo!"

Being lost in his thoughts, he had then bumped into Raphael. The bully who bullied him... all the time.

"Well, well, well! Look who we have here?" said the cocky French/Spanish man. He poked Voldo's forehead as he said, "You didn't do anything to change your creepiness."

"Voldo HATES stinky Raphael!" hissed Voldo. But it was mumbles and hisses to Raphael's ears.

"Right, say; Voldo, that golden jockstrap is a real turn off to everyone. Do us all a favour and take it off?"

"No!"

"Don't make me bring out my epee!"

Voldo snickered. "A pee..."

"That's French for 'sword' if you had any brains... you retarded monkey!"

"That's it; Voldo going to shed some French blood!" thought Voldo as he madly attacked the blonde-haired Frenchman with his sharp claws!

They tumbled around fighting, scratching, pulling eachothers' head and hair! The girls watched in concern for their little French boy, but the boys roared in laughter as they hooted and bet who would win.

It was until Voldo striked Raphael's boy parts, that he had become victorious. The boys cheered as they came to congratulate Voldo.

Before Voldo left, he told Raphael, "That is why Voldo wear his golden jock strap!" He huffed, and slithered away.

Inside, Voldo knew that he wasn't truly a winner.

"Voldo still lonely..."


	2. Chapter 2

**Voldo is LONELY:** Chapter 2

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Disclaimer: SC characters do not belong to me!

WARNING: May contain some shounen-ai themes (if that happens. Dunno.) And reading this might tone your brain down a notch.

One more note: Hehe, please don't mind the ethnic background jokes. They're just jokes, and they're not meant to be taken seriously.

-----

Voldo still did not meet his soul mate as he sat in his room, sewing a quilt. "Bunny rabbit, bunny rabbit, Voldo like. Kitty cat, kitty cat, Voldo like. Raphael, Raphael, why you not die?" he sang.

There was a knock on his door. He mumbled something, and the visitor came in. It was Talim. She grimaced at the scene. Voldo? Sewing? And singing? She shuddered but tried to smile.

"Voldo, can I borrow your scissors?" she asked.

Voldo thought about this little girl. "Hmm... Too young." He thought as he pointed to his drawers.

She picked through his "lingerie", and finally pulled out a pair of pink safety scissors. She shook her head as she replied, "I'm not a little girl anymore."

"Voldo watch Talim grow since she was little girl. Talim will ALWAYS be little girl to Voldo." he said mumbling. Ofcourse.

"... Right, thanks." she left the room.

He put his quilt down and began to think again. Who would his mate be? There was Xianghua, but would such a woman fall for someone like him...?

He began to plot. Voldo eavesdropped on Maxi's conversation with Kilik one time, and remembered how Xianghua liked heroes and knight-like figures.

"Good! Voldo will save Xianghua, and then she be mine!"

-----

Voldo sneaked up behind Xianghua, which caused her to shriek a little in fright. "Voldo! Don't sneak up on me like that!" she demanded.

He looked up at the hanging boulder that hung above the ceiling right above her. He would save her right before it crashes down upon her dainty body. He waited.

"Voldo... what do you want?" she asked, a little creeped out.

He mumbled something as he continued watching the hanging boulder, waiting for it to fall down.

"Yeah, well, I'd like some personal space, please."

SNAP! The boulder began to come down! Voldo snatched his beauty and rolled away from danger! The boulder smashed on the bench into a million pieces, with dust kicked up in the air!

Xianghua's eyes were wide in shock as she looked at Voldo who had just saved her life. She told him, "Voldo! You saved my life!"

He giggled under his mask. Her eyes then narrowed down as she looked back at the boulder. "What the hell was a boulder doing up there?"

He shrugged and waited for a kiss, but Kilik came.

"Xianghua! What happened here?" asked he. The stick boy ran over to his beloved. Or crush, whichever suits you.

"Kilik! That huge boulder came out of no where and almost crushed me!" she told him, "But Voldo saved me!"

"Hey, thanks man," said Kilik as he gave a thumb up to him. And he carried off Xianghua elsewhere.

Voldo crossed his legs in impatience as he spat, "Stick boy take away Voldo's trophy meat!"

Then Raphael entered the room. He whistled at the look of the damage. "I'd hate to be the guy who has to clean that up," he said as he raised a brow. The French man then spotted Voldo. He backed away a little, remembering their last encounter.

"Oh... Hola, mon ami."

Voldo scoffed as he crossed his arms, hissing, "Is Raphael French or Spanish? Voldo can't tell!"

"Yeah, well, I'll leave now..." said the Spanishy-French man. He tip-toed out of the room.

And Voldo began to think again. "Voldo decided that Asian people are hot. Voldo will hunt Asians now."

-----

Mitsurugi sat under a cherry tree, meditating. His eyes shot open when he felt a leering presence. He swiftly turned around, his hand grasped onto his katana and faced Voldo.

"Oh, Voldo, it's just you," he said in his gruff voice. Voldo squirmed in his spot a little sheepishly.

"So, what do you want?"

Voldo decided to try a different approach. He put his arms around the strong Japanese man and then whispered, "Am lumma keel you." Which sounded like, "I'm gonna kill you", but really meant, "I wanna kiss you." Either way, it was a sort of threat.

The samurai pushed Voldo harshly off of his back as he growled, "Get away from me, you disgusting beast."

Voldo whimpered as he retreated elsewhere, his feelings hurt.

"Okay... Mitsurugi not good for Voldo's health and heart," sighed Voldo. He then spied Taki, the ninja girl. She was very pretty indeed. Occasionally, she had said "hello" to him whenever she passed by.

"Mr. Voldo Voldo and Mrs. Taki Voldo... Voldo likes it!"

He caught up to her pace and she took notice of him. "Ohio-gozaimasu," she greeted him warmly.

Her voice seemed even more beautiful than it was three days ago. He mumbled his greetings back to her. She then asked him, "Did you prepare for the big tournament today?"

"Voldo train everyday," he told her as he rolled and slithered.

"Oh, right," she laughed, "You're always stretching about. Well, good luck to you."

"Wait," called Voldo. Taki looked back at the stretchy man.

"Yes?" she replied.

"V-Voldo likes Taki's butt," he stuttered. He didn't know any other flattering comments to say to her.

"Oh... um... thanks," she said, too weirded-out from his comment. Wasn't he a little too old for her...?

"Voldo would like Taki to be his wife," he said.

She bit her lower lip as her right eye twitched. It would be too mean to bluntly reply a no, so she chose her words carefully. Taki then bent down to Voldo's current level of height and told him softly, "No."

Voldo pouted, and tried to make his best puppy-eyes. But you can't see it.

She laughed and told him, "You'll find someone... it's just not me, okay?"

Taki was the nicest girlfriend he had for the past three minutes. Defeated, the mummified man slithered elsewhere.

-----

"Hey, did anyone else notice Voldo's weird behavior?" asked Cassandra.

"You mean even more weirder than usual?" asked Raphael. He sat uncomfortably onto his stool, "Yes."

"You don't suppose he's ill or something?" suggested Talim as she snipped away at a piece of paper. She was making a card for a special someone.

Ivy rolled her eyes as she replied, "Just let him be. He'll be fine. He's a grown man afterall... sort of."

Astaroth bellowed with laughter as he roared, "Don't you guys get it? Voldo's lonely! He wants someone with him!" He then made smoochy faces to his beloved Necrid who looked into Astaroth's dreamy blank eyes.

"But why would he be lonely? It's not like everyone's paired up with everyone..." said Talim as she began to draw on her card.

The people around her stared at the little girl and then laughed hard. Talim suddenly looked up from her card from the abrupt laughing and she frowned. "What? Am I missing something?"

"Look around you girl," said the alluring Ivy. "I'm with Siegfried, Yunsung is with Seung-Mina, Astaroth is with Necrid... it's all in the fanfics written by our fans!"

Link then entered the room as he waved to Talim, who blushed in response. He then hopped elsewhere.

"... Is Link paired up with anyone...?" she asked shyly.

"Hell yeah," said Raphael as he chortled and laughed. "One time Ivy got paired with the shorty!"

"Shut up!" growled she.

"Now she's stuck with a slightly taller shorty," he giggled.

"Siegfried isn't that short!"

"Says the six-foot woman..."

"Do you want to die?"

"Do you want another man?"

Ivy pondered this for a moment, and then she refused. "Don't make me call daddy..."

"Did someone say DADD-AY!?" screamed Cervantes as he caressed his daughter tightly. The pirate came out of no where. She groaned in embarrassment as he snuggled and squeezed his sweet pumpkin.

Everyone looked away. It was not something to watch for the weak-hearted.

-----

Voldo spied upon Yunsung. He thought carefully before carrying out his actions. "If Voldo wants red-headed Korean boy, then Voldo must think more!"

He crawled towards the Asian man and mumbled, "Do you like Super Junior?" It was a famous Korean boy band that consisted of thirteen different members.

Yunsung stared at Voldo as a smile steadily formed upon his face. "Yeah... yeah I do! What's your favourite song?"

After some researching on Youtube, Voldo knew most of the boy band's songs. "Voldo likes 'U' by SuJu."

"Aw yeah! Me too!" he laughed. Yunsung patted Voldo's back, "I didn't know you liked K-Pop."

"Voldo likes lots of Korean things!" he said as he pulled out a cute mechanical pencil that read, 'Made in Korea'.

"Sweet!" he laughed, "I appreciate that, buddy. Some of these otaku these days are praisin' the Japanese culture, paying no heed to other Asian ethnicities."

"Oh... Voldo hate otaku!" he smiled happily. Could Yunsung be the one?

"Hey, uh... what's that?" asked Yunsung as he pointed to a manga book. Voldo had been reading it for a while, and decided to bring it with him to read it later.

"Oh... uh... it is Tokyo Mew Mew..." replied Voldo, "... why?"

Yunsung began to twich an eye in anger. "You... you read this Japanese CRAP!?"

"No, no, no!! It... uh... Mitsurugi made Voldo read it!!" whimpered the man.

"Get away from me!" Yunsung then stormed off elsewhere, leaving Voldo in the dust.

Voldo began smacking his head with the manga repeatedly saying, "Stupid Voldo! Stupid Voldo!" Then he quickly brushed off the book and carressed it. "... But Voldo must find out what happens to Ichigo!"

So Voldo is alone once again. He only realized this when he had finished reading the manga. "Poor Ichigo! ... Poor Voldo..."

-----

OKAY! So that's the end of the chapter! Hehe, please excuse my Korean joke. I'm Korean aswell, but I think some Koreans take the whole "I hate Japan" thing too seriously. For me, I'm neutral about the whole thing, but otakus do bug me...

And I love Super Junior aswell! (Is a Heechul fan!)

Hehehe... but I seriously think that Tokyo Mewmew is crap.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! And for the last time; please don't take the jokes too seriously! It's just meant for a little fun. For the record; Some Japanese people dislike Koreans as some Koreans dislike Japanese people.

Yep... thank-you for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

**Voldo is LONELY:** Chapter 3

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Disclaimer: SC characters do not belong to me!

WARNING: May contain some shounen-ai themes (if that happens. Dunno.) And reading this might tone your brain down a notch.

One more note: Death of a character occurs in this story!!!

-----

"Okay Voldo... after what our friends have told me, I decided that you needed someone to talk to," said Seung-Mina gently.

Voldo was strapped to a chair rather forcefully. He longed to stretch his legs, back, arms, neck...

"Tell me, why do you have this sudden urge to be with someone...?" asked the Korean woman. "Late hormones? Did you watch any porn lately?"

"Voldo... wants to be loved," he muttered as he continued to squirm in his seat. He hated staying still for too long.

"Okay... but it seems like you're chasing... everyone."

"Voldo wants to find right woman, man, it or alien."

"Don't we all?"

"... Seung-Mina wants me?"

"No, Seung-Mina doesn't. Seung-Mina just wants to help you."

"..."

The two were left in a bright white room with one-way mirrors surrounding them. The other characters watched for their entertainment.

"Tell me about what happened to you recently," she said with a kind smile.

"Voldo got called creepy fifteen times this week, gross seventeen times, and retarded monkey once."

"Ooookay... anything else?"

"Voldo rather not say."

"Oh," Seung-Mina began to feel badly for Voldo. She had caught herself wincing at his flexibility and overall creepiness, but never realized how that would have impacted on Voldo's life. "So who did you try to get...?"

"Everyone," he replied.

"... Well you haven't tried me." She felt a little offended.

"Voldo was gonna, but you and other people force Voldo on tiny kiddy chair and place me in strange room with many mirrors."

"Oh, hehe, well, I'm sorry, but this was the only way for you to... stay still," she replied, "Voldo, you were happy the way you were before, but now you're suddenly like... this. As friends, we're all concerned about you and our safety."

Voldo tilted his head to the side and then rolled his neck as an attempt to move around. He then replied, "Voldo wants a lover."

"Alright then," she sighed, "I'll ask our friends if they're interested in you."

"Really?!" Voldo was excited. He felt bliss and joy!

"Yes," she said with a forced smile, "Yes, I will..."

She left Voldo in the chair as she left the room to tell the others the information she had gotten.

"It's true. Voldo wants a lover," announced the Korean. Everyone 'awed' and 'cooed', "Someone volunteer to be his lover."

Everyone then turned their heads away, whistling or being extremely interested in a conversation about today's weather.

"Come on guys! He's not that bad," she shuddered a little, "Someone here had got to like him at one point..."

Talim winced as she replied, "Whoever has fantasies about HIM is just plain gross..."

"Talim!" hissed Kilik, "That's so mean!"

She shriveled in her seat in shame. "Sorry..."

"Why can't he befriend a mushroom or something?" replied Raphael bluntly. Everyone stared at him.

"Raphael, you're the worst to Voldo!" said Xianghua. She huffed as she walked away from him.

"She's right; Raphael, you're always so mean to Voldo!" said Sophitia.

Raphael rolled his eyes and sighed. "Hey, at least I don't pretend to like him."

"That's better than just being plain mean to him!"

"Oh shut up."

"Everyone shut up!" yelled Seung-Mina. Everyone fell silent, with their eyes on her. "Look, I promised Voldo that someone would be paired with him. Someone just volunteer!"

Again, there was silence. No one was willing to sacrifice themselves. Not even Lizardman. He has a new boyfriend, which was Charade.

"Well... I guess we're gonna have to draw names from a hat." Seung-Mina took Link's green hat and began stuffing pre-written names on pieces of paper.

"When did she go and do that?" whispered Necrid to Astaroth. The tanned thug shrugged as he smooched his love and held hands.

She began to shake up the hat, mixing the names together. Then she took a piece of paper out with her delicate fingers and she read: "Siegfried Schtauffen."

Siegfried choked on a piece of bonbon that he had been eating, until he finally swallowed it. His eyes were wide open in astonishment, the colors on his face drowned.

"Uhh... yeah... Congrats, Sieg?"

"No way!" he whimpered, "Think about the fan girls!!!"

"Well, I guess it'll even out," relaxed Maxi. His heart had been pounding about the fact that he might have been chosen. "The least popular character with the most popular character..."

"Haha!" sneered Nightmare. "If you were still a part of me, this wouldn't have happened."

"Shut up, demon!" growled the German.

"... It's a bit unfair, don't you think?" asked Yoshimitsu, "Poor Siegfried has to be paired --"

"SHUT UP! I won't sleep with you no matter how much you try to defend me!" growled Siegfried as he cut off his words.

"But... I thought we had something special?" said the colorful puppeteer.

"No! I hate you! I hate all of you!" He ran away to the exit, and paused to say: "I will never be Voldo's lover! I'm never coming back! Never!" And he slammed the door.

A deadly silence once again. Everyone turned their eyes on Yoshimitsu, who whimpered like a British man. "Neer..."

-----

"Ah! Good news!" said Seung-Mina to Voldo, returning once again. "Everyone fought over you, but we finally found that special someone!"

"Seung-Mina did?" asked Voldo. He bounced a little in his seat.

"Yup! Say hello to your new boyfriend; Yoshimitsu!" She pulled a rope which had Yoshimitsu tied at the end of it. When she had suceeded with dragging him over, she waited for Voldo's approval.

The man looked at his new boyfriend and then replied, "Voldo may be desperate, but Voldo has taste!"

Seung-Mina desperately tried to think up of something. Everyone else had already left the area, incase Yoshimitsu wouldn't be suffice. If she wasn't careful, SHE may be the one ending up with Voldo.

"Well, um, underneath Yoshimitsu's mask is... uh, a very handsome man."

Voldo stared at her unconvincingly. "... Really?"

"Ah -- yes! He's so handsome... he had to cover conceal his handsome face from everyone else so we wouldn't be blinded by his beauty!"

"Hm... Okey." With some struggling and wriggling, Voldo escaped the tight ropes and slithered out from his seat as he took his new boy toy. He then began to attempt ripping the mask off of poor Yoshimitsu. "Voldo... wants to... see... your face!" he said between pulls. Seung-Mina ran away, leaving the two alone. She didn't want to get blamed for this later on.

After some more pulls and yelps of pain, Voldo finally succeeded. He killed him. He looked at Yoshimitsu sadly. "Yoshimitsu's face was probably glued to his mask and Voldo killed him."

He then sighed for a very long time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Voldo is LONELY:** Chapter 3

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Disclaimer: SC characters do not belong to me!

WARNING: May contain some shounen-ai themes (if that happens. Dunno.) And reading this might tone your brain down a notch.

One more note: ... I THINK VOLDO IS CUTE! I'm so weird! I suddenly think that this creepy dude is actually cute in a way! Like teddy-bear cute! Geez, the charms of a 50 year old handicap...

-----

"Hey, what's this thing in his room?"

"Don't touch it, you don't know where it's been."

"Oh come on, it doesn't look like he 'dirtied' it or anything..."

"Well, I warned ya, so don't come crying to me if --"

"It's a diary!"

"What?"

Yunsung and Maxi had been rummaging through Voldo's room, while the others 'took care of him'. Maxi opened the diary to reveal neat cursive writings along with cute kitties and bunnies he had drawn in the book. Yunsung made a face.

"I didn't know he'd be that kind of person," he said. But he urged Maxi to read.

"Okay, this one's from January 18th..." said the pointy-browed man.

"Dear Diary,

Voldo has been called creepy by stinky Raphael today. That no matter, because today was Voldo's special day. No diary; it not my birthday. It was something better. Today Voldo went shopping for new threads and found a neat red outfit with a golden jockstrap. Voldo decided it would give protection and style so Voldo bought it right away.

It hard being sexy. Voldo saw a bunny running in the snow. Voldo tried to catch it, but failed miserably. At dinner time, stinky Raphael called me creepy again. Why does Raphael keep making Voldo sad?"

Yunsung scratched his head a little as he replied, "Geez, Raphael is a real jerk to him if he kept calling Voldo creepy since January... Read his most recent entry."

So Maxi obeyed, and flipped to the most recent entry. "This one's from two weeks ago..."

"Dear Diary,

Voldo finished reading Card Captors. Voldo wishes he was magical girl like Sakura. A magical pretty girl like Sakura. Voldo then watched some Sailor Moon, and enjoyed it greatly. Voldo's favourite character is Sailor Venus because Sailor Venus is pretty with long hair and it's yellow. Voldo likes yellow. Voldo likes yellow hair.

Voldo might be gay oh well. Voldo is asexual afterall hehe. Voldo likes anything that moves on two feet. Voldo has secret crush on Siegfried! Shhhh! Don't tell Diary!

Anyway, Voldo had some thinking that maybe Voldo should find someone. The more Voldo thinks about it, the more Voldo gets sadder. Voldo has a very small fanbase. Not many girls like Voldo because apparently, Voldo is creepy, gross, and inhuman.

Voldo went to a jock strap store and bought a spiky jockstrap. Voldo thought he would look bad-ass, but then he hurt himself when he accidentally put it on the wrong way, oh well."

The two grimaced, as they put the book down. "Yeah, enough reading..."

-----

"Guys, what should we do? Voldo just KILLED Yoshimitsu!!" panicked Talim.

"Whose bright idea was it anyway for Voldo to rip off the poor guy's face?" asked Mitsurugi.

All eyes turned on Seung-Mina as she laughed a little and then died down, "Hey, I didn't predict that coming, okay?!"

"Well Yoshimitsu is dead now! What can we do?" asked Kilik.

Link tapped his chin a little as he pondered about the situation. He then wrote something on a piece of paper and handed it to Kilik.

"'Bury Yoshimitsu and forget all about it'?" read aloud Kilik. He crumpled the paper and tossed it to the elf's head, "That's a stupid idea."

Link shrugged as he chugged some milk.

"Guys! We have to consider Voldo's feelings here!" said Astaroth, putting a hand on his hip in a girlish position. "He probably feels betrayed and even lonelier!"

"Astaroth, quit your girl talk!" snapped Mitsurugi. "It's not like you to act this way! And it's creepy how you're the only one who seems to understand this situation!"

"It's not MY fault that I know the secrets to true love!" said the big muscled man.

"Astaroth is right; we need to consider Voldo's feelings too, or else he'll end up ripping everyone's faces off..." spoke up Raphael.

"Well, what can we do? This is a tough situation..." sighed Talim.

"... First of all, we can let Voldo out of the freezer," said Mitsurugi as he looked at Voldo who pounded at the freezer's door.

"You know he's placed there for a very good reason," hissed Seung-Mina, "it's for the safety of everyone!"

"The poor guy looks like he's going to freeze to death," said Raphael sympathetically. Everyone stared at Raphael's change in attitude. He quickly recovered his original attitude, coughing, and finally replying, "Not that... uhh... I care..."

"He's right, we're gonna kill Voldo this way. Just let him out."

So Mitsurugi walked over to the freezer door and opened it, with Voldo rolling like a wheel out of the frigid wonderland, with everyone screaming at his creepy performance! Then he twirled like a coin and landed on his sides. Shivering, paralyzed in his position.

"Oh GOD! We froze him!" cried Talim.

Link poked into Voldo's side, and Voldo slowly hissed as if air was being let out by a balloon.

"Someone grab a freaking blanket..." said Seung-Mina as she shook her head.

-----

"And, and, he has a secret crush on you!!" squealed Maxi in a very non-Maxi way.

"God damn," cringed the runaway. Siegfried stood up to run away again, but Yunsung made him sit back down.

"Siegfried, don't you see? If you be Voldo's boyfriend, then Voldo would stop chasing all of us! Think of it; you'd be saving all our lives!" said the red-headed Asian.

"... I don't know..." said the blonde-haired warrior.

"Do it!!" said Maxi.

"I really don't know..."

"Come on! If you're with Voldo, you can just... let it go!"

"Let... it... go?"

"Yeah! Let the belly take it's way out! Eat all the bonbons and chocolates you want! It wouldn't matter, since you have someone."

Siegfried took a moment to imagine a lifestyle with Voldo if the two were married...

"Voldo, honey! I'm home!" said the over-weight Siegfried as he sat down on the couch and let out a huge relaxed sigh. He punched a beer open and ripped his suit off to reveal a dirty muscle shirt that was getting too small for his big belly and blue striped boxers. He let his double chin hang loose as he turned on the tube.

"Voldo miss his hubby!" said Voldo in his pink floral apron and lipstick over his mask. He batted his imaginary eyelashes at him.

"Yeah, yeah... beer me."

"B-but Sieggy has beer already..."

"I said BEER ME woman!"

"... Voldo will obey."

And the house-wife Voldo wormed away to fetch another beer for Siegfried.

Siegfired cringed again. "Well... it DOES sound a little tempting..."

"That's it Siegfried! Think about how glorious it would be!"

"Yeeeaaaah... I'll sleep on it," sighed the German.

Maxi and Yunsung high-fived, low-fived, and back and around. Then over at the counter, then over by the fridge, and then back to where they started.

"W-wow. I never imagined us doing something like that," said the Korean man.

"Me neither," said Maxi. The two walked away in different directions, pretending that had never happened.

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HAHA! I hope you liked that! I had fun with it, most definately!

Please don't bash me because of Siegfried's imagination! It was just for pure fun, once again. I love Siegfried as much as I love every other hot guy in there! (Especially Voldo now! I'm starting to like my Astaroth too...)

I found myself laughing with my sister so hard!! I hope you enjoyed it as much as we did!


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note:** Sweet! Not only was this story viewed 834 times, but it's also been favourited 7 times, on alerts 2 times, and its in the community, "Best Soul Calibur fanfiction"!

Wow, I didn't expect my shit to be liked this much. I swear, I must've been on crack while writing all that. Thanks for your reviews everyone!

Now I shall post a new crappy chapter!

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"How's Voldo holding up?" asked Ivy. She was standing outside the basement door as Yunsung trudged his way up the stairs.

Cervantes then popped out of nowhere and hugged his daughter, "Pancakes!!"

Ignoring Cervante's outburst, Yunsung replied, "He doesn't look that great... he might not make it."

Raphael bit his fingernails from what he had heard. He was eavesdropping while sharpening his rapier.

"Who's brilliant idea was it to lock him up in the freezer anyway?" questioned Yunsung to the people around him.

Everyone turned their eyes to Astaroth. He was feeding Necrid his breakfast. Then they looked at Seung-Mina, who laughed nervously, trying to avoid their gaze.

"Well... I thought since he was already dead, he wouldn't feel anything..." she defended herself.

"Yeah, well, you thought wrong," sneered Yunsung, who then pierced his two index fingers in the air and screamed, "Oh yeah!!! Seung-Mina made a mistake!!"

"Actually, that would be like her second mistake," chirped a voice from the crowd.

"Actually, that would be implied since I put up two fingers in the air," argued Yunsung, whose fingers were still in the air.

"Uh, no, it wouldn't. You said 'a mistake', which would mean one mistake, and would not imply for any multiple 'mistakes'," said the standing opponent, who was actually Mitsurugi.

"Mitsurugi, quit being an ass. You're just sour 'cause I beat you the last round," chuckled Yunsung.

"I don't care about our last battle. It's just that it amazes me that you can't seem to COUNT. And you call yourself an Asian..."

"Calm down buddy. We can always have a re-match."

"I said, 'I don't care about our last battle'! Besides, it was just a fluke!"

"Aww... the poor baby is upset that a 'Korean bastard' kicked his whiny ass..."

"Okay, you're going down!!!!"

And the two disappeared off to have another battle.

"... So how badly was Voldo doing again?" asked Talim.

"Lets go check on him," said Cassandra.

Raphael began sharpening his sword rapidly calling, "Ah, who cares about that guy! Let him die... again..."

"You know what, Raphael?" stood Sophitia. "I'm really sick of you being so careless about our teammate."

Several yeah's and so am I's were murmured throughout. Raphael shut his eyes tightly with sweat falling from his forehead.

"W-well... it's because I'm not QUEER like all of you!!"

Astaroth gasped and put both his hands up to his mouth with teary eyes. "Y-you're a homophobe?" He then sobbed madly with Necrid comforting him.

"That's it; who thinks Raphael should be the one going down the basement to see Voldo?"

Everyone cried, "YEAH!!!" And then they kicked Raphael into the basement.

Raphael stumbled and fell to the bottom of the basement as everyone laughed and slammed the door. Tightly.

He heard a scurry from the corner, and his fearful eyes turned to the source. Another scurry came from the opposite direction.

"I-it's just mice..." stuttered Raphael. He looked around to find Voldo. North, south, east, and west, and then to the northwest, the southwest, the north-east, the southeast...

Up behind the rails of the stair case, was Voldo clinging behind the bars.

"Toshio..." he grumbled.

"V-Voldo?"

"Toshio..."

"Voldo... hahaha... how are you doing?"

"Toshio..."

"Um... right. I'll get going then..."

"NO."

"Okay."

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"Siegfried, you all dressed up?" asked Maxi. "I'm kind of worried for Raphael. Voldo's gonna rip him apart... you know how much they hate eachother..."

"Ja, I know I know..." grunted Siegfried as he tried to squeeze himself in his new costume.

When Siegfried stepped out from the dressing room in his new sexy "armour", he scratched his rear and waddled towards Maxi.

"These metal thongs are killing me," growled Siegfried, "I swear, it's ten times smaller than it's supposed to be!"

"I don't think they're the wrong size... I think you put on some extra weight," said Maxi as he observed his costume, "Siegfried! I told you that you can let go AFTER you hook up with Voldo!"

Ofcourse, the German just rolled his eyes and headed to the basement door. "I'm going to be SO happy after all of this..."

When he swung the door open, Siegfried and Maxi stared in astonishment as they saw what seemed like Voldo eating Raphael's face!

"Raphael!" screamed Maxi. He and Siegfried quickly came to the rescue! They ripped the two apart, and dragged them away from eachother.

"Raphael, are you okay?" asked Maxi urgently. Strangely enough, Raphael replied with a puzzled face.

"What do you mean? I'm fine," said he.

"Voldo! You BEAST! Prepare to be vanquished!!!" cried Siegfried as he was just about to crush Voldo's face!

But Raphael came to the rescue and pulled Voldo away from meeting a messy end. The couple clung to eachother as Raphael sweetly asked, "Voldo, are you alright?"

"V-Voldo scared of Siegfried's meaty body rather than being crushed..." replied Voldo, "Did Siegfried get fatter?"

"Hey I don't get it," said Maxi, "I thought you hated eachother?"

"Hehe. Voldo used to hate Raphael until he told me how he really loves me..." giggled Voldo, "We getting married one day."

Siegfried stared at the two of them, gazing into eachother's eyes lovingly. He shuddered and crawled back up the stairs.

"What the hell was I thinking... I'd rather get into shape than be stuck with Voldo..." and scampered off to change into his regular clothing.

When the couple was about to "kiss" again, Maxi hurried away, holding in his colorful lunch.

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Word spread that Raphael and Voldo were dating. Some thought it was sweet, others thought it was plain gross. However, both sides agreed that it was a happy ending indeed.

"Awww... don't they look so cute together?" asked Talim to no one in particular.

It wasn't until Link walked up next to her and replied, "Mm-hmm."

The girl turned to the elf and blushed as he smiled back at her. "Um... do you want to get some milk somewhere?"

Link nodded as a reply and the two of them left to the cafeteria.

Astaroth then walked into the main room where he saw Raphael and Voldo playfully touching eachother. He let out a deep happy sigh, and turned to see Necrid making out with Lizardman.

"NECRID!!!" screamed Astaroth in agony.

Necrid quickly turned to the sobbing Astaroth and abandoned Lizardman rightaway. "Astaroth!! It isn't what it seems!!!"

"No! I saw it all! I saw it all!!!!" sobbed Astaroth, who then ran away. "We're OVER!!!"

"Astaroth!!!!!!!" called Necrid, as he chased after his beloved.

"Necrid..." hissed Lizardman, who shed a single tear.

And from a distance, shed a tear, from Charade, who whispered, "Lizardman..."

Meanwhile, Yunsung returned from his battle with Mitsurugi. They both laughed and had a shot.

"Hey Mitz, you ain't that bad for a Japanese dog," laughed Yunsung who punched him gently.

"You're not all that bad yourself... for a Korean bastard," smiled Mitsurugi, who put his heavy arm around Yunsung. "Friends?"

"Friends," replied Yunsung. They both ordered another bottle of beer for the road.

Siegfried started working out again, and swore off chocolates. Forever. He was growing a belly that hung over his belt, which was NOT a pretty picture. As a result, he lost several of his fans, including the fat lonely ones.

Maxi is currently trying to brainwash himself since he keeps fantasizing about Raphael and Voldo having hot... well, you know. He keeps finding himself writing on about how Voldo and Raphael came to be, which opened his mind up to becoming a romance novelist if he retires one day.

Seung-Mina visits Yoshimitsu's grave everyday, since his spirit keeps telling her to. He also asked her to write a fanfiction about himself and Astaroth. Since she couldn't write for her life, he found extra amusement in her struggles.

Ivy made a restraining order against her father because he was getting on her nerves, and Cervantes made a restraining order against pancakes, because he's allergic to them.

Kilik and Xianghua finally got together; though, they don't agree with anything. While Kilik likes bread for breakfast, Xianghua likes rice in the morning. Why can't they have both? No one will know.

Taki thought her boobs were too much trouble, so she went to get them removed. Now she is half male.

Cassandra and Sophitia weren't important enough in this story to have a decent ending, but they will definately be getting call-backs for extras.

And they lived...

"HEY. What about me?? HMM?" screamed Nightmare.

Oh yes. Nightmare. He realized that he was made of epic fail, who still sat on the bench of losers and freaks. And he was the only one.

And they lived happily ever after.

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NOTE: This isn't the last chapter! Next chapter is Raphael's and Voldo's wedding HAHAHA.

You don't want to miss out on the freaky wedding. :D

Thanks!


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